Wait, my friends have other friends?
I love my friends so much that I want to squeeze them into little Polly Pockets and carry them around with me all day. I want them to be on Zoom calls with me and my clients, smiling and nodding at all of the things I say, and then applauding my fantastic consulting efforts thereafter! I also want them to text me everyday and say something funny and special because after all, I am their best friend and who else would they be busy texting?
Over the last week, most of them have been busy at one point or another with their other friends and they’ve told me about it. WHOM are these friends of yours? I ask in my texts. You can’t have dinner with me in a few weeks because you already have a dinner planned with your friend!? You’re sending me a funny picture of you related to a story you’re sharing, and the picture is with your other friends!? “You’re ridiculous,” my husband laughs when I tell him that all of my friends seem really busy having other friendships. And truly, I am absolutely ridiculous. But I love them and I want them to myself.
Women need deep, loving, loyal friends who will be there through all of the stuff. It is not lost on me how lucky I am that I have a sister — in many families including mine, automatic best friends for two girls who will grow to need one another increasingly more — and a handful of best friends who do not all overlap because they’re plopped in different social circles. They hail from various past and present parts of my life: pre-teen years, college, adulthood and motherhood. The universe has a pleasant way of handing you the people you need to get through things and to thrive, so long as you’re open to finding those people, I’ve learned. My friends are very funny and very intelligent (I am biased but I actually know this to be objectively true). They teach me about art, planets, parenting, and money. They entertain me with voice notes that are about their kids or husbands or houses or colleagues. (If you work or interact, even occasionally, with my best friend, I know about you. Not to scare you! Just to inform you.)
I don’t know why my sister won’t recreate this photo with me at the beach. My BFF.
When my friends are busy with their other friends, I’m reminded of how sought-after and special they are. How did I cultivate a life filled with people that are remarkable enough to be busy and loved so well by others? (Not to be dramatic, but, maybe a few less others please?) I haven’t always felt this fortunate. When I was leaving high school for college, I had a nervous stomach about who I’d like, and in turn, who would like me. I had one best friend leaving high school and we had so much fun being goofballs, laughing, and playing pranks. I doubted there’d be anyone else like her in the world. There isn’t actually anyone else quite like her, but to my surprise, there are other amazing people to whom I feel compatible — like our bones just fit together. College awakened my soul to true girlhood; the kind that gets you through hangovers, the flu, bad professors, and relishes constantly in your goodness. Magically, that transcends into subsequent aspects of adulthood.
My high school bestie ended up having a really cute kid after buying mine loud, messy gifts for many years.
The next time I felt that pit, a sliver of loneliness and uncertainty about friendships, was when I had babies. My best friends weren’t even considering sleep deprivation and spending all of their money on childcare — who can relate to this!? But, again, I found my person who had children at the same time. We hated our husbands some days. We hated ourselves others. We saw one another through postpartum depression, unrecognizable body changes, and that overwhelm of having these humans to keep alive. Adding salt to an open wound, we were living in one of the cloudiest, coldest cities in America during these vulnerable years. We made it to the other side and remain bonded for life.
This friend invited all of her various friends on a 40th birthday trip together and made the genius move of making many groups become one for a week. Also, she gave me the dress she’s wearing.
Finally, when I moved to West Palm Beach almost four years ago, I committed to never making new friends — it was easier to self-protect and shield myself from feeling disappointed by not connecting with anyone like me. They were here, though, looking for people who were funny and friendly and smart and drank strong martinis, too. Whenever I have doubted a future filled with women that make life feel complete, I open my eyes and they are there. You only need a few, really, to make your days more interesting (my friends are in tip-top shape on sending me terrifying news), and to make life feel like a bit of a group activity.
I don’t know why my friends would ever tell me about their other friends when they could just lie and say their parents are in town; but since they have, I can (try so hard to) shift my mindset from thinking it’s a little preposterous, to remembering when I didn’t believe I’d ever even have this many friends. Maintaining my friendships is an everyday joy for me, and even if more newbies don’t come my way, I know that this womanhood is the stuff that fuels me. Not to be all Carrie Bradshaw but, your friends are your ticket to being vulnerable, honest, and funny — text them today and tell them that you love them, and that they shouldn’t have any other friends.
Nothing happens in my life without a barrage of texts and voice notes to these two, whom I made wear “short, fun, bright dresses” to my wedding. God bless.
We let our husbands in this photo and FL friend groups always have really good lighting! Only 3 hours before this photo I laid on the couch of my neutral-colors-only friend while she got my daughter snacks and crafts.
By night, weekend, and random lunchtime, I’m a writer on whatever I want — but by (most of the) day, I’m the co-owner of a philanthropy consulting firm and spend my hours advising clients, and writing / speaking on philanthropy to the masses. I wrote the children’s book “What’s Philanthropy to Philomena?” because I think philanthropy should be a household word + topic of conversation. In my essays here, I’ll close by writing about clients + nonprofits that I love to share more about the amazing work they do.
One of our firm’s clients is Center for Creative Education; they have a school (Foundations School) in West Palm Beach that, although private, almost entirely enrolls students living below the poverty line (hello philanthropy funded scholarships and Florida’s state scholarship program!). They have an arts-focused curriculum and a major emphasis on literacy. Peer students in the nearby schools are in large part not reading at grade level in third grade, which is critical, but at Foundations, many of them are — it’s just remarkable to witness their academic growth in one school year, let alone several consecutively. This school is completely changing the trajectory of these kids’ lives. What’s more is that their parents have to get them there everyday, and even if it’s a nominal amount of money, they must pay something; everyone is invested in these kids. I am so grateful that they trust us to advise them because if anyone deserves to be the beneficiary of philanthropy, it’s these gorgeous kids!
This blog was originally posted on Meg’s Substack, subscribe to follow along and read all of her essays there.